I keep a “Bible of Me” typed out – which I need to print out for a clean version. It is approximately 5 pages long. Why? I do this to keep a mental healthy me. A simple and lighter version of me, while I fight this battle, unencumbered, by the events of the last 19 years. The last 19 years has included two psyche evaluations because the symptoms and level of my health issues has deeply confused my doctor’s. They have been deeply perplexed by the complexity of my health and structural issues occurring in my digestive tract. I have been blessed by placement with Dr Thomas L Abell early in the crisis part of my journey. His knowledge and compassion allowed me to have a lower stress on my organs. I was also able to see the direct consequences from the placement of the permanent Gastric Electrical Stimulator (Gastric Pacemaker). Jennifer Jaff an attorney whom at the time I met her, was living with Crohn’s disease. I heard later of her passing. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/24/health/jennifer-jaff-legal-advocate-for-the-ill-dies-at-55.html. She had an impact on our community in so many ways. My mom, who sent her a quilt, was deeply appreciative of her intervention on my behalf. I had a very bumpy ride with my Gastric Electrical Stimulator, but there are many who very much receive a new life from the with their Gastric Electrical Stimulators or Gastric Pacemakers. My “Bible of Me” includes my diagnosis, dates, current oral medications, IV medications, holistic medications, allergies, surgeries, procedures, a running highlight list of medical events, contacts to all treating physicians, pharmacies, IV infusion company, family contact information, I have my PORTACATH, cataract implant cards, along with my bone density information with me. My internal body is a mixture of ages, if you take into account, my 83 year old bones, my Mitochondrial disease creating the need for cataracts in 2014 ( I was 52 then) normally you wouldn’t need cataract implants at this age. My digestive issues and all that is occurring within me is a direct result of my Mitochondrial cells creating a premature internal story that is diametrically opposed to my exterior appearance & my actual age. I do not know what algorithm there is to explain my “chronic” age.

Perhaps it is better to not even contemplate the age issue. Perhaps it is better to just live and enjoy life moment to moment. We do not need to know our age. I used to wonder why I could not keep up with my age when I was in my 20’s I have never cared about evaluating time or accounting of anniversaries. Perhaps it is a part of a spiritual/ universal gift that lets you live in your moment.

When you have an encyclopedia to keep all of the information… you do not feel as if you need to memorize the answers to everything. You have the resources at your fingertips. Maybe we should live life the same way, not stress what we can or cannot hold on our mental shelf. Let’s live, let’s dance, let’s sing, let’s love each other, enjoy every moment of our lives without questioning the what’s and where’s or what if’s of life. Just breathe in and out very slowly and intensely while truly listening to each other. There is nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone and then realize they did not hear a word you said because they were not fully present in your conversation. There is a way to not be angry about this or hurt. This is the lesson I learned. Their personal shelf is very heavy and they need some help too. Don’t take it personally/ take it kindly. So, we can all have more empathy through Grace. May you be blessed with Grace, love, peace, comfort, strength, and joy. Much love.

Leave a Reply