Seeking healing, and control while striving to find answers to the why …. a body is spiraling out of control physically from an undiscovered illness.

This can be a devastating experience without support both family, medical, and spiritual of some type.

When you eventually arrive at answers/ diagnosis/es the “seeking,” if the diagnosis/es include incurable illnesses, …. the seeking, is of an even greater necessity.

Your control can be gained again, by seeking it and seeing it, from entirely new paradigms.

Part of my new, paradigm < – defined as a typical example or pattern of something; a model. How we have viewed, the correct way to live and eat; is our model.

When we are diagnosed this gradually begins to create a new paradigm. When we begin a new journey, new ways and paradigms are essential to each of us. Each person’s path will be different because no one person is the same as the other, but we can apply general concepts to each of us.. like do unto others as you would have done unto you. So using this thought pattern, I began my chronic journey with my people pleasing ways at the beginning of my journey. I was a person who avoided all conflict.. this is still true in part… yet it has been redefined. I will explain. When you break out in hives on your chest at the thought of high drama from your earliest memory, hyperventilated when put into a situation which involved actual touch in anger or high emotion! Then, it is established very early your innate personality is peace! So, we fast forward in the chronic journey diagnosis is 1999 you are approximately 37 years of age. Never realizing your life long battle with constipation was building up to a diagnosis of life changing proportions! My large intestine/colon was paralyzed actually useless, explaining the immense pain, repeated hospital visits with dehydration, nausea and vomiting, and quality of life which was almost non-existent, a cycle of toilet/pain. Life was migraines with pain ripping through you making childbirth seem like it was an ease. If you have not experienced this pain, it is truly hard to tell you how intense it is with the bile you are throwing up because your colon is not working. So I was blessed to receive word I had a choice to make, colectomy or not? This surgery in 2000 was not done everywhere. I went to Charleston South Carolina. Did the consult with the doctor with the explanation that he could not promise I would wake up with colostomy bag or a successful direct resection of a small section of my large intestine/colon to my anus. We (Hubby, family on telephone calls home spoke & explained, prayed about the situation… we went to beach. Spoke to a lady who had had the surgery. I had requested a name of another patient who might be willing to speak to me. She was honest and answered all of my questions. She wished me well on my decision which only I could make for myself. She didn’t try to over sell the surgery. I appreciated this very much!) We decided to call the doctor to say yes. Then we tried to do everything we could to fill the weekend. They scheduled the surgery for Monday, because we were so far away. We had driven from Arkansas to South Carolina for the consult. My hubby was going to stay with me throughout the situation- now surgery. I woke up in recovery to my hubby beside me and the first thing I asked him was “Do I have a bag?” He said, “No.” the recovery began,” it was long and hard, but I have never regretted this decision.

I have regretted others, but not this one.

I state all of this to give a window into my life when the book “The Four Agreements ” came into my life. I began this new paradigm and its application to my chronic journey with great freedom. The 2nd agreement; “Don’t take anything personally- nothing others do is because of you. What others say or do is a projection of their own reality! When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

When you combine this with the other agreements, the Beatitudes, and other scriptures/ meditation quotes which lift you up in peace & strength your paradigm becomes a blessing of joy, peace, and freedom. I was so quite the first few weeks after this discovery.

I continue to have to remind and practice my new journey. I am human and of course it takes a moment to remind myself when an unexpected moment brings words or actions which appear to be about me or attacking me. Then I remember…. the words belong to the person saying them. I often then pray for them. Then close the door on the thoughts about whatever was said or done. If I choose to think or speak, or elaborate on whatever it was I closed the door on, I then begin to claim it’s toxic stress, as if it were my own. It doesn’t belong to me. So I should leave it with its owner and go forward with the peace I know is mine. I am the only one who can adopt another’s person’s reality, as if it were my own dream. I don’t dream, think, act in drama, ups, downs, anxiety, negativity, pessimism, all tell tell signs … reinforcing words or actions which do not belong with me. It is very freeing and peaceful to know you do have control over this very important part of your life.

While I began to live in this amazing part of my new journey I began to see more inspiration day in and day out. I listened with new ears, eyes, heart, mind, and spirit. I also began to receive blessings to reinforce this freedom. Godwinks! Which went on to show even more blessings. As I kept my mind open, ever ready to hear joy… I heard the testimony of a young woman in Africa who had prayed to be healed from AIDS. She said, she had received her healing! No, not the healing from AIDS. A greater healing than she could have understood. She provided medicine and helped treat women and children who are still stigmatized in Africa (not as bad as in the past, but it still happens) She gives medication to pregnant women with AIDS which allows the babies to be born without aids. She was shown how her prayer was answered! A healing was indeed given! It was much greater than she could ever imagined for herself.

We have a purpose and can live lives louder, brighter, and fulfilling than we could ever imagine! We must knock down our previous paradigms of what we thought our lives were to what they can be going forward in full mission-hood! There are no limits to what we can do nor what we can be for ourselves and others through advocacy over adversity.

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