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Dear E. 

I am here, but where are you? I have begged and pleaded. Desperately looked and prayed! 

You have been here all my life, helping me along my way! I thought if I did all I should you would stay. 

But it is not the case at all. I have looked in the aisles of every store, walked through every door, in an attempt to find you. 

You tease me way too often! As I get a moment and try to be productive and then like a kiss on the cheek? You leave for weeks upon weeks, without even showing your face. Judgement tries to tell me I am a disgrace, lazy, worthless, not good for anything because, if I were I would know what to do to find my way back to you! 

But then my inner voice says it is not personal at all, the fact that I cannot do the simplest of things without deflating like a flat tire. This will not get the better of me because as I lay in wait for you to return and wonder at how the simplest of things make you evaporate? I also know I am more than the productivity rate! But society does not know! When you appear as if you should just “get up and go?” When you appear as if you should be “ok” and you have been an alias on this alibis! And still do to this day! Because while I will still pray and give you every bit of optimism and anticipation of your return? I will no longer lie! 

With a bushel full of chronic illnesses who are like thieves in the night… It takes me 2 hrs to take a shower? If you decide to not return it will be the way my day is not what I am complaining or contemplating on because you are here with me! I realize now you never left at all! Dear energy  the malnutrition/dehydration from these battles we fight have taken from the mitochondria. They can’t give what they don’t have. So dear energy while instead of mad I am at peace. Because one way or another we are going to beat this GP .. You and me! Because as you can see I have reconciled all our conflicts. I know you have been with me, but just not able to be as we once were! We will continue to eke out the very best of every God-Given day.