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  • Debbie 

A Cog’s Journey

Picture a dirt road beside a deeply dense forested area in the mountains. The only break in the woods reveal a fast running cold water which narrows then widens to suddenly expose a glimpse of waterfall. Not just a small waterfall. A breathtaking waterfall! It drops out of the mountains to rush beautifully down, drop 100’s of feet the sun glistening through the water and its droplets bounce like a symphony on water below creating an infinite number of prisms -water rainbows. The roar of the water was leading us to the waterfall long before we ever actually able to see it. It wasn’t on any actual map. It wasn’t on the trail list, the waterfall list, not on any state map. We had only found it because we took a wrong turn. We couldn’t get close to it because there were no roads. I wasn’t comfortable enough to explore further. All along the sides of the dirt roads had been “the do not trespass” signs. I had an inner voice inside of me, which kept getting louder. “We are in the wrong place, wrong path, danger ahead, get out!”

Hubby was saying everything was fine. The area was beautiful, the water amazing, then the waterfall. I kept feeling increasingly uneasy. The scene of “Deliverance” just kept warning- warning- warning. I told hubby. He thought I was being funny and silly. Yet, thank goodness respected my uneasiness and found our way back to the paved road. I wanted off the dirt road. I wasn’t easy until the feeling went away. It finally did, I could breathe without an uneasy feeling. It didn’t matter if someone called me crazy. It didn’t matter if someone called me paranoid. It didn’t matter if someone thought I was filled with anxiety or had a panic attack issue. It just didn’t matter at all. All that mattered was I followed my inner voice, the voice of guidance, I know I hear when I pray.

If you had walked in my shoes then you would too.

If your prayers to your father & Heavenly Father had been answered after your father passed away when you were 15 years, you would believe. You would understand, why your inner voice, regardless of what you choose to call it, should NEVER ever be ignored.

Are you asking what happened?

It is simple. I felt, I had no one emotionally available to handle an issue.

There were a group of guys standing on each side of a sidewalk grabbing girls, as they tried to get to their lockers.

I felt this was unacceptable. My Dad had just passed away. There had been too many traumas. I couldn’t take this one. I went in my room opened my red bible. I had already been reading and praying about this entire situation. We were now in Arkansas instead of Tennessee. I was reading Psalms, the 23rd was my, like many of you, a warm blanket of security. I stayed in the Psalms with prayers telling God, Jesus, our Holy Spirit & my Dad I required help to deal with these boys who cannot touch me. The next morning I woke up and it was dealt with. I was never touched.

This is why I tell you, if you were me, you would too.

The insight I can provide for you is this, apparently others see someone who is “uppity” too good, better than others, … the opposite is true. I can’t see anyone or anything from that time. I mentally, physically, emotionally, left my shy self. Oh I functioned, but the self others saw— was the best I could do with all that had happened.

Who could blame anyone for the misinterpretation? After all, the shy me, told the band director I couldn’t go to New Orleans, Mardi Gras. I just knew I couldn’t be there. The confusion on his face is understandable now, then I didn’t really even think about it.

I was an old soul dealing with life. The life we were managing was not anyone’s fault. Yet, there were mixed messages being given. Again not fault, just a set of circumstances, when personalities automatically deal with trauma and their lives along generational behavior mixed messages can be caught up in confusion.

Becoming adults as children without communication can increase the level of confusion while also increasing the feeling that people are not emotionally available.

Here is where prayer can lead us past confusion. We can find the path to love ourselves. See ourselves as loved, cherished, unique, beloved & unconditionally in Grace.

A belief in Jesus, a walk on a spiritual path supersedes any confusion when we choose to value peace and grace over confusion.

Whatever words chosen to call the spiritual path vs confusion and chaos is not a hindrance to anyone who walks in peace & grace.

Judgement on spiritual equivalents is

left to those remaining in confusion and chaos.. from all personal observations it really isn’t a human journey.

Do these seem contradictory statements, perhaps so. Anytime we wonder into the God’s territory cogs are able find their unique self.

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